On the other blog I started writing about my mom's recent visit - I'm just finishing up with that one here:
Anyway, I was really surprised that mom wanted to come. She has always said that she would like to visit but with her health and the distance I didn't think it would happen. There's no way she could travel by herself so my brother came along. Thanks to the Lord that he did. I wouldn't have been able to manage without him.
Picked them up at the airport Wednesday evening the 16th: Here is where I start to sound like such a snob (sigh). I work with lots of different people and I love them and accept them regardless of silly things like how they smell, how they dress, their little quirky behaviors. Yet, somehow, I struggle with dealing with these things in my own mother.
Mom got off the plane wearing a bright blue mumu dress, a pair of black pants, red earmuffs, a long sweater, a funny little hat, white socks, and slippers. Would I have even noticed someone else in the airport dressed like that? Probably not...I really don't pay that much attention to how people dress. But for some reason, seeing my mother get off the plane dressed like that bothered me. She really has been a beautiful woman - mental illness has robbed so much from her, including her dignity in how she presents herself.
I suppose this is the part I struggle with (confession time!): I see my friends with their mothers, and they go out and have a good time and there is a feeling of "pride" in introducing their mom to others. I feel like my mom doesn't need introducing - she needs explaining.
I think so much of my feeling goes back to when Mom left and I was left (at age 11) to start explaining her behaviors to people. "Where is your mom?" "Is she living with someone?" "Will she be coming back?" "Why did your mom leave your dad? "You live in such a nice house; why does your mom live in a such a dump?" I think I started looking down on her then...and it became a thinking pattern that I need to learn to break.
Lord, PLEASE help me to be more understanding and loving to those around me - not just people I meet but my own family - ESPECIALLY my own family, Lord! Help me to learn to love my mother for who she IS...not who I WISH she would have been.
