On the other blog I started writing about my mom's recent visit - I'm just finishing up with that one here:
Anyway, I was really surprised that mom wanted to come. She has always said that she would like to visit but with her health and the distance I didn't think it would happen. There's no way she could travel by herself so my brother came along. Thanks to the Lord that he did. I wouldn't have been able to manage without him.
Picked them up at the airport Wednesday evening the 16th: Here is where I start to sound like such a snob (sigh). I work with lots of different people and I love them and accept them regardless of silly things like how they smell, how they dress, their little quirky behaviors. Yet, somehow, I struggle with dealing with these things in my own mother.
Mom got off the plane wearing a bright blue mumu dress, a pair of black pants, red earmuffs, a long sweater, a funny little hat, white socks, and slippers. Would I have even noticed someone else in the airport dressed like that? Probably not...I really don't pay that much attention to how people dress. But for some reason, seeing my mother get off the plane dressed like that bothered me. She really has been a beautiful woman - mental illness has robbed so much from her, including her dignity in how she presents herself.
I suppose this is the part I struggle with (confession time!): I see my friends with their mothers, and they go out and have a good time and there is a feeling of "pride" in introducing their mom to others. I feel like my mom doesn't need introducing - she needs explaining.
I think so much of my feeling goes back to when Mom left and I was left (at age 11) to start explaining her behaviors to people. "Where is your mom?" "Is she living with someone?" "Will she be coming back?" "Why did your mom leave your dad? "You live in such a nice house; why does your mom live in a such a dump?" I think I started looking down on her then...and it became a thinking pattern that I need to learn to break.
Lord, PLEASE help me to be more understanding and loving to those around me - not just people I meet but my own family - ESPECIALLY my own family, Lord! Help me to learn to love my mother for who she IS...not who I WISH she would have been.
6 comments:
It's all a learning process...all of life. I'm proud of my parents and love them both absolutely, but I find myself thinking the same thing when we've all been around certain people groups together. That's when I catch myself looking at my dad through their eyes...flannel shirt and red suspenders and all. But, outside of certain social situations, I just see it as quirky and, well, "my dad". I always fall back on "taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ". That helps me...not that it erases those thoughts, but it helps me refocus and see what's really there.
It's so encouraging to know that others struggle with the same things I do.
Sometimes it is harder to deal with our extended family. It may have to do with our expectations. I remember when I hit an all time low and did not want to go 'home' again. Then God gave me this poem. It has helped me a lot.
Today May I....
Today...
May I be patient and kind.
May I see the good in others
and to their faults be blind.
Today...
May I encourage those around me,
No matter what they do,
May negative thoughts flee.
Today...
May I show love,
In more than what I say,
May I be gentle as a dove.
Today...
is a new day
filled with many different choices,
May I choose to love Your way!
This can apply to anyone, but I can't read it without thinking about my extended family. They need our love, grace and mercy, yet it can be so challenging.
I believe we view our parents through the eyes of our youth. That is when they were such an impact on us. Whether good or bad. As adults we have to see them through God's eyes. He cleans up all the past mistakes and we see only the good. Not having "bad memories" of my parents I can not fully understand how you feel, but I know with God's help you will find the way.
Another example of the need for us to keep learning how to love & live with each other by much Grace & Mercy. It is often easier to grant this to others than to to our own family.
This the test of Jesus' family identity for us: "By this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another."
Paul also said for us to "work out your own salvation with fear & trembling". Christ purchased our salvation with His blood, but I think we "flesh out" that process of His sanctifying work by our daily sacrifices of self and cross-carrying in our daily struggles. This also is part of "fighting the good fight of faith" to overcome the pride & selfishness of the flesh.
I love you & think you're a good soldier. It's a honor to fight the good fight beside you as your husband!
Thanks for all the words of wisdom and encouragement, guys!
I get that Ruthie. I often have to pray about that very thing.
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